Okay, I can't leave you hanging anymore!

Okay...At times in my life, God has given me dreams that He uses to either speak to me or to have me pray for others. Friday night I had one of them. I talked to a friend of mine that went on our agency visit trip this past week. She saw Bella at the hogar and reported all to me. Bella has 2 bottom teeth, is pushing up on her hands and rocking back and forth on her knees. She is scooting and on the verge of crawling. She said she is an extremely happy baby and very nosey! This made me feel happy and very sad. I am happy to hear that she is doing so good, but sad that she is not doing it with me. You other adoptive moms totally understand.

Okay, back to the dream. I went to bed crying myself to sleep. My husband had to work this weekend and I got up to talk to him while he was getting ready. I went back to sleep and had this dream. In the dream, Bella was not home and then all of a sudden she was. We were taking her all over to have everyone meet her. She was SO happy and I remember thinking "Wow, this was a very smooth transition!" I woke up from a sound sleep at 9:00 A.M. and was singing (out loud, as I woke up) the following words: "I will praise You in the storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are, no matter where I am." (Casting Crowns) Right then and there, I felt peace like I have NEVER felt before come over me. God began to speak to my heart.

He said alot. "I am just waiting for you to begin to praise Me. I want to send Bella home to your family, but I need to do something in you, first. Just begin to praise Me and she will be home soon. I am taking care of her and she will be fine when you get her." Now, I can honestly say, I have not received any new information on the status of our case. I am going on nothing but what I feel inside me. I have said this before, but those of you that know me, know that I have always had to have things all figured out. I need to know how everything is going to work out. I thought that I had surrendered, but I hadn't. Even though PGN is a long process and can be very unpredictable, there really is some predictability to it. While in PGN, I still had my finger on the situation and felt that I had some control. I had every possible scenario figured out- both good and bad. God had to show me otherwise. I know there is something very specific that God has called my family to do and this adoption is the beginning of it. I also believe that, in order for us to be able to do it, I have to learn an important lesson. I MUST learn to TRUST God with my future and not try to map it out myself. That is a HUGE thing for me!!! I must say, though, that it is neat to know that He loves me enough to watch me endure this so that He can change me and grow me. (And boy, have I grown!!)

I was originally resubmitted to PGN on March 8 and this week Barrios signed out resubmits from that week. If we would not have gotten the KO, we would probably have gotten out this week. I know now why we are where we are in this process. He had to allow it, because now I am at a place of total uncertainty. My adoption guide cannot give me ANY details on this process with the FC judge, because my attorney has never done it before. God has a sense of humor. Of all cases for her to do this with in her career, mine would be on of them!

I cannot say WHEN Bella is coming home, but I CAN say that she IS coming home, and I feel confident that it will be soon! You know, God tried to show me what He wanted me to do earlier in the week, but I was not listening. Another friend of mine, sent me an e-mail one morning that said to put on praise and worship music and begin praising Him and thanking Him. I, of course, was in no frame of mind to receive it then. But, God in His goodness, pressed through and gave me the dream. So to my friend (you know who you are), I want to say thank you. You were used to prepare my heart!

Please continue to pray for us and for favor with the FC judge. We will be getting new pics of Bella this week and I will be sure to post them. I am going to post pics of her room tomorrow night. I have a few things for Jeff to hang on the wall tomorrow evening and then I will put the pics on here. I PROMISE!!