My Strength

I will be truthful and tell you that I have been VERY weary these past few months. Bella turned one last week and we have been approved for over 2 months, been waiting on a BC for 3 weeks and still don't know when we will be able to travel to bring her home. We have to renew our fingerprints and possibly do a homestudy addendum because of the age of the child for which we were approved. There is no reason for her to not be home with us, except that we got caught up in political fights and Bella got "bounced to and fro" between those involved. It has been hard to accept the fact that we are bringing home a toddler that probably speaks some Spanish words and understands no English ones, that we have missed LOTS of firsts, and that she will probably go through more grieving than we were anticipating. I have spent most of my days this month crying-- crying more than I have ever cried before. With that being said, let me tell you what the Lord has shown me today.

I have been saying that I am just so weary and angry and did not think I could go on much longer. I have had times of doubt-- doubting that we even heard from God to begin this adoption; doubting IF she would come home at all. I know that sounds horrible, but if you will be honest, I know there have been times you doubted when you got weary from the battles that came your way. I have been going to the wrong places to get me through this. I was reading blogs and forums, instead of reading His Word. His Word that could get me through the tough days. Tonight, I went straight there when I began to feel the urge of defeat and depression try to hit my mind. This is what I found:


"As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is tried. He is a Shield to all those who trust and take refuge in Him. For who is God but the Lord? And who is a Rock except our God? God is my strong Fortress; He guides the blameless in His way and sets him free. He makes my feet like the hinds'; He sets me secure and confident upon the heights." II Samuel 22:31-34

My Bible has a Life Point for some of the verses and these particular verses happened to have one. Here it is:

"God is our Strength, our Rock and our Fortress. He asks us to put our faith in Him and to believe that we can do whatever He asks us to do. He is mighty to uphold us and to make us stand. He will support us and keep us from falling. God's strength is readily available to us, and we receive it through believing the promise He has made to give it to us. If we believe we are weak, then we will only manifest weakness, but the Bible says 'Let the weak say, I am strong!'. (Joel 3:10) When we can say we are strong with a heart of conviction- even though we are weak in ourselves- the Lord will be strong in us, and we will experience victory in our lives!" Joyce Meyer (from her Bible)


WOW! His Spirit really began to minister to me. This has been hard for me... but in some ways it was my fault. I should have let HIM carry my burden and rested in His promises. He wants to gird us with strength for EVERY battle that we face, but WE must allow Him to. That is what I struggle with all the time-- losing that control over my circumstances. This adoption of my daughter did not pan out the way I wanted it to, BUT it is according to HIS plan for us. I may be weary, but if I remember that He called us to this and He will give us the strength to endure to the end. He ALWAYS finishes what He starts!

We still do not have a birth certificate and without that we cannot get her passport. Once that is done, we still have 4 weeks or so before we get to travel to bring her home. We are probably looking at a November pick up and that is heartbreaking to me. BUT I will spend those weeks getting stronger in His Word and allowing Him to have HIS way with our lives.

I would like to leave you with one more verse:

"In my distress I called upon the Lord; I cried to my God, and He heard my voice from His temple; my cry came to His ears." II Samuel 22:7

That verse reminds me that He has seen EVERY tear I have cried and heard every groan that has come from my mouth as I agonized over missing my daughter. I began to look back over the past 2 years and was amazed at the things I told God was not fair or not right, only to realize those things played a huge part in bringing us to Bella. Had He not allowed those things to happen to me, I would have missed out on His best for me. I will dwell on that truth and realize that my precious baby girl is even more precious to Him and He has her best interest in mind. She WILL be home and it will be the day He has appointed even before she was formed in the womb.

Thank you for your continued prayers and I look forward to posting GOOD news soon. I pray that you will let Him be YOUR strength in whatever you are facing today.