A little glimpse...

Throughout our whole adoption process, I will admit, my faith waivered... I had my doubts and my rages... sometimes at God. I am not proud of it, but I will be honest. Two days before the civil registry released our birth certificate, I told God that I wanted to finish this off with my head held high, being able to praise Him... not hang it low, despite my unbelief, when He did it. I asked Him not to let that BC be released until I had whole heartedly found peace and dropped the unforgiveness I was holding. You may ask who I could have had unforgiveness towards. Well, for one, my attorney. I felt that she used our case to further her ADA work and we got tangled up in a political fight between her and the powers that be in Guatemala. I blamed her.

Then, I began to read a book called The Bait of Satan-- The Sin of Offense. I started reading this book on that Tuesday that I prayed the above prayer to the Lord. In it John Bevere, the author, sets the stage by telling you that if you are a child of God, NO man or NO thing can thwart the plans He has for your life. Yes, people have a free will, but He can stop anything He does not want happening in your life. He told how Joseph was sold into slavery and thrown into prison unjustly. Now, we went through a lot, but NOTHING compared to this. And, yet, he was able to realize that it was all part of God's divine plan for his life. It was at that moment that I realized that our adoption did not go the way we had anticipated it... it went the way He charted it.

He called us to adopt... of that I am MOST certain. He KNEW the day she would join our family and the age she would be when it happened. He NEVER promised me that she would come home as an infant. He just asked us to be obedient and our job was to do that and trust Him to fulfill the dream He had birthed in our hearts. MY plans were to bring home a little baby and move on with my life. HE HAD OTHER PLANS!!!! Yes, Susana, used our case to further a cause in Guatemalan adoptions and as far as I can see, it did NOT pave the way for anything positive. However, Bella came home at the perfect age and at the perfect time-- HIS TIME.

Today marks 2 weeks exactly since she joined our family FOREVER. I was listening to John Bevere's series A Heart Ablaze on my way to bring Jake to school this morning. He was talking about Moses bringing the children of Israel out of Egypt. He asked the congregation this question:"Why did God lead the children of Israel out of Egypt?" The people responded, "to bring them into the Promise Land." NOT TRUE! He led them out of Egypt to bring them out of bondage into freedom. In this past year, He brought me out of the bondage of dependence on myself and into the freedom of trusting Him with EVERY area of my life! The glory of the Lord was revealed to them IN the desert, as they wandered around. The desert is not a place of being forsaken by God or left alone until He decides you have spent enough time there. It is a place where you are not living in the abundance of life. You are only given the day's manna.. the provisions you NEED for THAT day. WOW!!!! That spoke to me. He went on to say that "it is in the desert that God quiets you heart and changes you for HIS glory". You see, if you had the abundance of everything working out in your life the way YOU planned, then you would not need to depend on Him.

That is where the glimpse I spoke of in my post title comes in to play... I know now that He allowed our desert time to happen so that He could quiet me and teach me TOTAL dependence on Him, despite the situations others placed us in. I can tell you that I changed in the last 16 months. Was it an easy change? NO, but as I wrestled with MY will and against HIS and as I kicked and screamed, He broke me and taught me that my life is in HIS hands... a place where I willingly placed it when I was 13 years old. And about that birth certificate... it was released 2 days later! :)

Things are going great with Bella and her attachment to us. She said "Momma" the other night when she woke up... needless to say when I heard that over the monitor, I nearly broke my neck getting to her! :) I can say that times are tough with me not working and getting paid and look bleak to our human eyes, but I have learned to look at my life through the eyes of faith. If I keep my eyes on Him, everything will be provided and I will fulfill my purpose.

I pray that if you are still waiting for your precious little one, that you surrender your will for His and that He wraps you in His arms every step of the way until He delivers your "promise" to you and your family. I am praying for all of my blogging friends still waiting... your time IS coming!!