This song has really helped me this week. The lyrics have been soothing to me. I chose to keep my eyes fixed on Him during this time of uncertainty in Guatemalan adoptions. Even if you are not in the middle of an adoption, I challenge you to fix your eyes where they belong-- on HIM! If you have not heard any of Jeremy Riddle's music, I encourage you to run out and get his CD. The title is Full Attention. Have a great weekend!
Here are the lyrics and you can click on the link to hear a piece of the song. (it was all I could find.) You will need to click on the song Full Attention. I know this is complicated, but I am not very computer savvy! :)
http://www.vineyardmusic.com/usa/scripts/prodView.asp?idproduct=823
May Your voice be louder
May Your voice be clearer
Than all the others, than all the others
May Your face be dearer
May Your words be sweeter
Than all the others
Than all the others in my life
Please keep my eyes fixed on You
Please root my heart so deep in You
Keep me abiding, keep me abiding
Keep me abiding that I
Oh, that I might bear fruit
May Your presence be truer
May Your presence be nearer
Than all the others, than all the others
May Your light burn brighter
May Your love go deeper
Than all the others
Than all the others in my life
From: Full Attention by Jeremy Riddle
Friday, September 28, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Prayers Needed Like NEVER Before
We got word from our attorney tonight that PGN has contacted the Civil Registry and told them not to record any of the adoptions from La Primivera, which is the hogar Bella is in. It is all dealing with the article in the Prensa Libre earlier this month. She is going there tomorrow to try to fight it. PGN does not have the legal right to do this, but they are doing it anyway. This is serious and I will be honest and say that I am scared. Please pray for favor tomorrow. I believe this is one last push from the enemy to stop this adoption of Bella and I just have to muster ALL faith and hope I can find that he will not prevail, but will be defeated. I appreciate every one's prayers.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
NOTHING!
Sorry... nothing to report. We cannot get any answer as to if anything happened today. I honestly don't understand how you can give someone the news we were given last night and add everything else we have encountered and just not answer. Needless to say, sleep won't be happening for me and Jeff tonight... and quite possibly many nights to come.
Thanks for the prayers and words of encouragement you are sending our way. Someone commented and said "at some point, words become pointless"... that is a good way to sum it up... that and UNBELIEVABLE!!!
Thanks for the prayers and words of encouragement you are sending our way. Someone commented and said "at some point, words become pointless"... that is a good way to sum it up... that and UNBELIEVABLE!!!
Monday, September 24, 2007
Here we go again...
Well... no birth certificate. I just found out that the Civil Registry will not issue a birth certificate because they want to make sure PGN says it is okay to do so since we were approved by a judge instead of by them. News flash... they will not be okay with it, hence the article that came out Labor Day. As you may remember, our name and case was listed in the Prensa Libre as one of the 10 cases they did not want to be approved. At this point I don't know what to say or do. If this were a movie script being submitted to a director, it would never make it to the big screen because it is so unbelievable! Please pray that God will intervene and Bella will come home this year.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
My Strength
I will be truthful and tell you that I have been VERY weary these past few months. Bella turned one last week and we have been approved for over 2 months, been waiting on a BC for 3 weeks and still don't know when we will be able to travel to bring her home. We have to renew our fingerprints and possibly do a homestudy addendum because of the age of the child for which we were approved. There is no reason for her to not be home with us, except that we got caught up in political fights and Bella got "bounced to and fro" between those involved. It has been hard to accept the fact that we are bringing home a toddler that probably speaks some Spanish words and understands no English ones, that we have missed LOTS of firsts, and that she will probably go through more grieving than we were anticipating. I have spent most of my days this month crying-- crying more than I have ever cried before. With that being said, let me tell you what the Lord has shown me today.
I have been saying that I am just so weary and angry and did not think I could go on much longer. I have had times of doubt-- doubting that we even heard from God to begin this adoption; doubting IF she would come home at all. I know that sounds horrible, but if you will be honest, I know there have been times you doubted when you got weary from the battles that came your way. I have been going to the wrong places to get me through this. I was reading blogs and forums, instead of reading His Word. His Word that could get me through the tough days. Tonight, I went straight there when I began to feel the urge of defeat and depression try to hit my mind. This is what I found:
"As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is tried. He is a Shield to all those who trust and take refuge in Him. For who is God but the Lord? And who is a Rock except our God? God is my strong Fortress; He guides the blameless in His way and sets him free. He makes my feet like the hinds'; He sets me secure and confident upon the heights." II Samuel 22:31-34
My Bible has a Life Point for some of the verses and these particular verses happened to have one. Here it is:
"God is our Strength, our Rock and our Fortress. He asks us to put our faith in Him and to believe that we can do whatever He asks us to do. He is mighty to uphold us and to make us stand. He will support us and keep us from falling. God's strength is readily available to us, and we receive it through believing the promise He has made to give it to us. If we believe we are weak, then we will only manifest weakness, but the Bible says 'Let the weak say, I am strong!'. (Joel 3:10) When we can say we are strong with a heart of conviction- even though we are weak in ourselves- the Lord will be strong in us, and we will experience victory in our lives!" Joyce Meyer (from her Bible)
WOW! His Spirit really began to minister to me. This has been hard for me... but in some ways it was my fault. I should have let HIM carry my burden and rested in His promises. He wants to gird us with strength for EVERY battle that we face, but WE must allow Him to. That is what I struggle with all the time-- losing that control over my circumstances. This adoption of my daughter did not pan out the way I wanted it to, BUT it is according to HIS plan for us. I may be weary, but if I remember that He called us to this and He will give us the strength to endure to the end. He ALWAYS finishes what He starts!
We still do not have a birth certificate and without that we cannot get her passport. Once that is done, we still have 4 weeks or so before we get to travel to bring her home. We are probably looking at a November pick up and that is heartbreaking to me. BUT I will spend those weeks getting stronger in His Word and allowing Him to have HIS way with our lives.
I would like to leave you with one more verse:
"In my distress I called upon the Lord; I cried to my God, and He heard my voice from His temple; my cry came to His ears." II Samuel 22:7
That verse reminds me that He has seen EVERY tear I have cried and heard every groan that has come from my mouth as I agonized over missing my daughter. I began to look back over the past 2 years and was amazed at the things I told God was not fair or not right, only to realize those things played a huge part in bringing us to Bella. Had He not allowed those things to happen to me, I would have missed out on His best for me. I will dwell on that truth and realize that my precious baby girl is even more precious to Him and He has her best interest in mind. She WILL be home and it will be the day He has appointed even before she was formed in the womb.
Thank you for your continued prayers and I look forward to posting GOOD news soon. I pray that you will let Him be YOUR strength in whatever you are facing today.
I have been saying that I am just so weary and angry and did not think I could go on much longer. I have had times of doubt-- doubting that we even heard from God to begin this adoption; doubting IF she would come home at all. I know that sounds horrible, but if you will be honest, I know there have been times you doubted when you got weary from the battles that came your way. I have been going to the wrong places to get me through this. I was reading blogs and forums, instead of reading His Word. His Word that could get me through the tough days. Tonight, I went straight there when I began to feel the urge of defeat and depression try to hit my mind. This is what I found:
"As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is tried. He is a Shield to all those who trust and take refuge in Him. For who is God but the Lord? And who is a Rock except our God? God is my strong Fortress; He guides the blameless in His way and sets him free. He makes my feet like the hinds'; He sets me secure and confident upon the heights." II Samuel 22:31-34
My Bible has a Life Point for some of the verses and these particular verses happened to have one. Here it is:
"God is our Strength, our Rock and our Fortress. He asks us to put our faith in Him and to believe that we can do whatever He asks us to do. He is mighty to uphold us and to make us stand. He will support us and keep us from falling. God's strength is readily available to us, and we receive it through believing the promise He has made to give it to us. If we believe we are weak, then we will only manifest weakness, but the Bible says 'Let the weak say, I am strong!'. (Joel 3:10) When we can say we are strong with a heart of conviction- even though we are weak in ourselves- the Lord will be strong in us, and we will experience victory in our lives!" Joyce Meyer (from her Bible)
WOW! His Spirit really began to minister to me. This has been hard for me... but in some ways it was my fault. I should have let HIM carry my burden and rested in His promises. He wants to gird us with strength for EVERY battle that we face, but WE must allow Him to. That is what I struggle with all the time-- losing that control over my circumstances. This adoption of my daughter did not pan out the way I wanted it to, BUT it is according to HIS plan for us. I may be weary, but if I remember that He called us to this and He will give us the strength to endure to the end. He ALWAYS finishes what He starts!
We still do not have a birth certificate and without that we cannot get her passport. Once that is done, we still have 4 weeks or so before we get to travel to bring her home. We are probably looking at a November pick up and that is heartbreaking to me. BUT I will spend those weeks getting stronger in His Word and allowing Him to have HIS way with our lives.
I would like to leave you with one more verse:
"In my distress I called upon the Lord; I cried to my God, and He heard my voice from His temple; my cry came to His ears." II Samuel 22:7
That verse reminds me that He has seen EVERY tear I have cried and heard every groan that has come from my mouth as I agonized over missing my daughter. I began to look back over the past 2 years and was amazed at the things I told God was not fair or not right, only to realize those things played a huge part in bringing us to Bella. Had He not allowed those things to happen to me, I would have missed out on His best for me. I will dwell on that truth and realize that my precious baby girl is even more precious to Him and He has her best interest in mind. She WILL be home and it will be the day He has appointed even before she was formed in the womb.
Thank you for your continued prayers and I look forward to posting GOOD news soon. I pray that you will let Him be YOUR strength in whatever you are facing today.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Happy Birthday, Jake and Bella!
Happy birthday, my precious little ones.
Jake, I cannot believe you are 8 years old already! You are growing into such a wonderful young man. You make me laugh everyday. You are the light of my life and my heart. You are smart, kind, witty, and very good-looking. I admire your faith and ability to see the good in everyone and everything. God has BIG things in store for you and it is such a blessing to watch it unfold and be a part of helping you find your destiny in Him.
Isabella, I cannot believe that a year has already passed. We were hoping you would be here to celebrate your first birthday with us. We have missed so many firsts in your first year of life, but God has begun to show me the many more He will give to us. I do not understand His plan-- the whys of you not being here today, but I must trust that this is how it is supposed to be. God brought you into our lives and He will bring you home to us in His perfect timing. The thing that breaks my heart most is that you will be in the hogar in another country while we are here celebrating without you. But, my prayer is that God will wrap you tightly in His arms and love on you by His sweet Spirit in our stead. You will be here soon and we will make up for lost time. I have only been with you 3 short times, but I have fallen head-over-heels in love with you-- more each and every time. You are the daughter I prayed so long for. I know that today will be hard for your birthmom. I pray that the Lord gives her comfort and lets her know that you are loved by many and will be forever. God has BIG plans for you, Bella, and Daddy and I feel privileged and blessed to be able to guide you into your destiny. We are coming to you soon, my baby girl!
Jake, I cannot believe you are 8 years old already! You are growing into such a wonderful young man. You make me laugh everyday. You are the light of my life and my heart. You are smart, kind, witty, and very good-looking. I admire your faith and ability to see the good in everyone and everything. God has BIG things in store for you and it is such a blessing to watch it unfold and be a part of helping you find your destiny in Him.
Isabella, I cannot believe that a year has already passed. We were hoping you would be here to celebrate your first birthday with us. We have missed so many firsts in your first year of life, but God has begun to show me the many more He will give to us. I do not understand His plan-- the whys of you not being here today, but I must trust that this is how it is supposed to be. God brought you into our lives and He will bring you home to us in His perfect timing. The thing that breaks my heart most is that you will be in the hogar in another country while we are here celebrating without you. But, my prayer is that God will wrap you tightly in His arms and love on you by His sweet Spirit in our stead. You will be here soon and we will make up for lost time. I have only been with you 3 short times, but I have fallen head-over-heels in love with you-- more each and every time. You are the daughter I prayed so long for. I know that today will be hard for your birthmom. I pray that the Lord gives her comfort and lets her know that you are loved by many and will be forever. God has BIG plans for you, Bella, and Daddy and I feel privileged and blessed to be able to guide you into your destiny. We are coming to you soon, my baby girl!
Monday, September 17, 2007
2 weeks down.... how many more to go?
Well, toady marks 2 weeks since we were submitted to the Civil Registry. Our BC is coming from Guatemala City and I am hearing it is taking right at about 3 weeks! Bella and Jake will both have a birthday on Thursday. Bella will be 1 and Jake will be 8. I am praying that we get our BC on that day. After all, we named her 2 days BEFORE she was born and Jake prayed for her to be born on his birthday. Let me tell you that story...
We were given a referral of a baby girl a week before Bella was born, but there was something wrong with the paperwork-- something that could cause us problems later on. We decided not to accept it. I was totally at peace with that and for me that was odd. Everyone else was feeling bad, but I was at peace. A few days later(on a Sat.), our coordinator called and said that there was a baby girl that was scheduled to be born the following week sometime. She would call me back when she knew more. We were next in line for a referral, so this baby would be our daughter. Well, Jake's birthday was on that following Wed. and I got an e-mail on the Monday telling me that the birthmom would deliver by c-section on the Thursday. The first question I asked, was "who gets to name her?" She responded by telling me that we could, if we had a specific name. Well, that was a big answer to prayer. Those of you that know me, know that this was a major stresser from the beginning. I wanted my daughter to be called by the name we were going to give to her during the entire time she was away from us. Well, He answered that one for me! Anyway... the night before Jake's birthday, as we said prayers with him, he prayed that his "baby sister would be born on his birthday" the following day. As I left the room, I tried to explain to him that the c-section was already scheduled for the day after and that they don't change those dates. He said "we'll see, Mommy." Jeff called me a faith-killer as we left the room. I just did not want him disappointed. Hindsight, I was not instilling faith in him at all. (I later repented!) :)
Fast forward to the next day. While we were on our way home, my cell phone rang. I saw that it was my coordinator and told Jake. He said "she is calling to tell us Bella was born, I bet." Sure enough... she had been born 2 hours earlier!!! Faith of a child...
We always take Jake to Chuck E. Cheese on the night of his birthday and do his party with friends on the following weekend. Last year, I remember telling everyone that would listen that we had just had a daughter and that next year, she would be celebrating her 1st birthday with us there. Well, that will not be happening. I can think of nothing better than to make it an okay day than for us to get her BC on that day. That is what I am praying and believing for. Will you join me?
It breaks my heart that we will not be with her, but I have been praying that the Lord will give me peace and strengthen me and help me get through it. I plan to make it a very special day for Jake and pray that God will hold Bella a little tighter that day.
Thanks for all the prayers and e-mails of encouragement. It means so much to me that so many people care about us. I hope to post good news soon...
We were given a referral of a baby girl a week before Bella was born, but there was something wrong with the paperwork-- something that could cause us problems later on. We decided not to accept it. I was totally at peace with that and for me that was odd. Everyone else was feeling bad, but I was at peace. A few days later(on a Sat.), our coordinator called and said that there was a baby girl that was scheduled to be born the following week sometime. She would call me back when she knew more. We were next in line for a referral, so this baby would be our daughter. Well, Jake's birthday was on that following Wed. and I got an e-mail on the Monday telling me that the birthmom would deliver by c-section on the Thursday. The first question I asked, was "who gets to name her?" She responded by telling me that we could, if we had a specific name. Well, that was a big answer to prayer. Those of you that know me, know that this was a major stresser from the beginning. I wanted my daughter to be called by the name we were going to give to her during the entire time she was away from us. Well, He answered that one for me! Anyway... the night before Jake's birthday, as we said prayers with him, he prayed that his "baby sister would be born on his birthday" the following day. As I left the room, I tried to explain to him that the c-section was already scheduled for the day after and that they don't change those dates. He said "we'll see, Mommy." Jeff called me a faith-killer as we left the room. I just did not want him disappointed. Hindsight, I was not instilling faith in him at all. (I later repented!) :)
Fast forward to the next day. While we were on our way home, my cell phone rang. I saw that it was my coordinator and told Jake. He said "she is calling to tell us Bella was born, I bet." Sure enough... she had been born 2 hours earlier!!! Faith of a child...
We always take Jake to Chuck E. Cheese on the night of his birthday and do his party with friends on the following weekend. Last year, I remember telling everyone that would listen that we had just had a daughter and that next year, she would be celebrating her 1st birthday with us there. Well, that will not be happening. I can think of nothing better than to make it an okay day than for us to get her BC on that day. That is what I am praying and believing for. Will you join me?
It breaks my heart that we will not be with her, but I have been praying that the Lord will give me peace and strengthen me and help me get through it. I plan to make it a very special day for Jake and pray that God will hold Bella a little tighter that day.
Thanks for all the prayers and e-mails of encouragement. It means so much to me that so many people care about us. I hope to post good news soon...
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Back up....
I know many of you are wondering what is going on. Well, we were one of the cases that was named in the article in the Prense Libre. Our case went through the judicial process that PGN is trying to have unapproved. When I found out, I decided it was best and safest to close my blog until I knew we were not one of the cases they were investigating. We were investigated, but by the grace of God, they did not choose to overrule the judge's decision. This has been a very long and trying journey. We have been out of PGN since Feb. and in with a FC judge since April. We went through 2 judges until we were finally approved this summer.
I found out on Monday that we have been submitted to the Civil Registry for a Birth Certificate. We should be getting it any day now. Please continue to pray. We have faced obstacles at EVERY turn. One day, I will share all of them with you and you will see what a MIRACLE it is that she lands in America!
I am amazed by the people that have contacted me this week showing their concern for us. My family and friends have been GREAT! I don't think I am able to wrap my brain around the fact that "strangers" care so much. But... this is a process that brings people together. It is an emotional roller coaster and I am so thankful to have you all along for the ride!
God has been good to us and I am beginning to see His hand at work, even through the turmoil. He has used it to stretch me, test me, and change me. I will admit that I failed many tests, but the thing I am most proud of is that I kept getting up and trying to pass more! My attitude was not always the best (okay, it was really bad at times), but I am not the same person I was when I started and I learned alot about myself. If I would have known that we were going to be dealt this hand, I would have told you that I will not survive it. People say "I don't know how you are doing this." All I can say is "the grace of God" and "the way I see it, I don't have a choice." I HAVE to keep going.
The BIGGEST thing I learned (and am still learning) is that HE is in control of my life and I am in control of my choices. Does that make sense? What I am trying to say, is that I realize I must relinquish MY desires and TRUST HIM. That is very hard for me. I like to control the circumstances in my life. This entire process has been OUT OF MY CONTROL and that is what I have fought so hard against. Have I conquered it? NO WAY!!!!!! But... I am a little bit more accepting of it and with each situation He places me in the future, I will get better.
Stay tuned for good news...
I found out on Monday that we have been submitted to the Civil Registry for a Birth Certificate. We should be getting it any day now. Please continue to pray. We have faced obstacles at EVERY turn. One day, I will share all of them with you and you will see what a MIRACLE it is that she lands in America!
I am amazed by the people that have contacted me this week showing their concern for us. My family and friends have been GREAT! I don't think I am able to wrap my brain around the fact that "strangers" care so much. But... this is a process that brings people together. It is an emotional roller coaster and I am so thankful to have you all along for the ride!
God has been good to us and I am beginning to see His hand at work, even through the turmoil. He has used it to stretch me, test me, and change me. I will admit that I failed many tests, but the thing I am most proud of is that I kept getting up and trying to pass more! My attitude was not always the best (okay, it was really bad at times), but I am not the same person I was when I started and I learned alot about myself. If I would have known that we were going to be dealt this hand, I would have told you that I will not survive it. People say "I don't know how you are doing this." All I can say is "the grace of God" and "the way I see it, I don't have a choice." I HAVE to keep going.
The BIGGEST thing I learned (and am still learning) is that HE is in control of my life and I am in control of my choices. Does that make sense? What I am trying to say, is that I realize I must relinquish MY desires and TRUST HIM. That is very hard for me. I like to control the circumstances in my life. This entire process has been OUT OF MY CONTROL and that is what I have fought so hard against. Have I conquered it? NO WAY!!!!!! But... I am a little bit more accepting of it and with each situation He places me in the future, I will get better.
Stay tuned for good news...
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