Tired and Dazed

Tomorrow will be 3 weeks in PGN and no kick outs since our resubmission! After last night, I am emotionally drained. Today, at school a friend of mine made me a sweet card with 2 verses that I really needed. I would like to share them with you.

Exodus 33:14 "My presence will go with thee, and I will give thee rest."

Boy, do I need His presence and His rest. I know that I trust God, but I am struggling because I am anxious everyday. I told my husband today that I measure my days in increments. The first is noon. I check my e-mail during lunch to see if I have a e-mail from our coordinator. When I don't have anything, I breathe half a sigh of relief. Then I rush home to check it again to see if anything happened since my last check. The last sigh of relief comes when I check right before bed. I sleep well and then wake up to do it all over again! Pretty pathetic, uh? I am working on having the faith that Jeff has. He never checks because he says we have already gotten our pevio--kick out for no PA.


Psalm 68:19,20 "Blessed be the Lord, Who daily bears our burdens and carries us day by day...
"God is to us a God of deliverances and salvation..."

I thank Him that He bears our burdens. I guess I haven't learned to give Him total control. Everyone that knows me, know how hard headed and strong willed I am. You would think that I would have learned to give it ALL to Him by now. I need to just leave it with Him and let Him handle it. I know He has the appointed time to get us out of PGN.

I want to close with a verse that just jumped off the page of my Bible. It is Psalm 69:3 "I am weary with my crying; my throat is parched; my eyes fail with waiting for my God." I am tired of crying, tired of missing her,tired of waiting. I just want my baby girl home with me.

I feel we are so close and Satan is not happy about God's plan for our family coming to pass. He is pulling out all stops and I am being driven closer into the arms of my heavenly Father. He promises rest to the weary and tonight I have decided to give it to Him, rest in Him and stop anticipating a previo. We WILL be out of PGN soon and Bella will be home where she belongs.

I may be rambling-- I guess it shows how I feel inside. I feel discombobulated (correct spelling?) inside and am going to find some time this weekend to stop, be still and remember that He is God!!

I am beginning to hate Tuesdays...

This Tuesday did not start off very well. (Remember, I broke my finger last Tuesday.) I got a call from my neighbor 10 minutes after I left my house this morning. It was 6:55. I knew something was wrong for her to be calling my cell phone that early. Well, some woman came flying down my road and hit our dog, Ali. She was the cutest and sweetest miniature schnauzer you have ever seen. When we started looking for one, I found out that some are white and we got really lucky to find her. I have never been an animal lover, but this dog made me one. Anyway, back to this morning... we are unsure of who let her out of her kennel to do her business before we left. I left without realizing she wasn't inside. So, yes, I was partially at fault. That part is killing me. But, she came flying down the road and my friend said she never tried to avoid it. She just hit her, pumped her brakes and gunned it when she saw my friend come running down the street. My friend, Ashley, saw the whole thing happen. The woman never stopped!!! I stopped the car in a parking lot and called Jeff. He turned around and went home. He had to get her out of the street and he cleaned the blood off the road so Jake would not see it when he came home.

Jake doesn't know yet. I had a doctor's appointment this afternoon and my mom got him from school. Whenever Jeff gets home, we will be going to get him and then we have to tell him. For those of you who do not know Jake, he is ALL boy, but is EXTREMELY tender-hearted and a major animal lover!!! This is going to devastate him. Please pray for him. Ali has been his playmate since we got her in August. When we went to pick out a puppy, she was the one that ran straight to him, climbed in his lap and curled up on his neck. From that moment on, he decided she was THE ONE. Jeff wanted another one, but he would not hear it. There was something special between Ali and him. Out of habit, I came in this afternoon and went straight to her kennel to let her out and realized she wasn't there. I started crying all over again.

So... I will not be posting a video show of him or pics of Bella's room tonight. That will have to wait. And by the way, I may just sleep through next Tuesday!

2 Weeks and Counting

Thursday marked 2 weeks in PGN. My attorney was out this week, so I will breathe a little easier next Saturday. If we got a previo, I won't hear about it until this coming week. Once we hit the one month mark I will be relieved. Most people get their previos (kick outs) within the first month. I know there are exceptions, though. I am believing that since we were kicked out in Feb. for no PA and were not issued any others, that we are safe and on our way OUT!!!

I bought all of the candy and trinkets for Jake's Easter basket today and got sad. I kept thinking about Bella over there in the hogar and how she will wake up Easter morning and it will not be a special day for her. I just felt guilty--like I was neglecting her. I know- this is beyond my control. But you other Guatemamas understand. It is difficult to live your life and do things with your family while your baby is in another country. The only way to describe it is that there is a void. But hopefully this will be the last holiday we spend with out her. I am praying hard that she is home for Mother's Day.

I had a hard day Thursday. I was really missing her. I teach at a Christian school and we have chapel every Thursday. One of the songs we were singing was "He Has the Whole World in His Hands". The children's pastor stopped and said that the Lord had just reminded him of the time 3 years ago when his grandson was born. He weighed a little over one pound and did not have much chance of survival. He remembered praying and asking God what to do. God spoke to him and said, "He is a tiny baby in the hands of a Big God." I immediately had tears in my eyes. I had just been praying for Bella and telling God how hard it was to have her over there and not be able to take care of her or know how she is doing. I know God had him say those words for me. God added to those words. He spoke to my heart and said, "Bella is in My hands--leave her there and I will take care of her. She will be in your arms soon." God is so faithful and I know He is preparing her way home to us.

Thanks for all of your continued prayers. They mean so much to me. I have met some wonderful women over the past week through blogland and I want to say thanks to them. Thank you for your words of encouragement and e-mails. I look forward to the day I check each of your blogs and see that you are on your way to pick up your babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know I promised to post pics of Bella's room, as well as a slide show of Jake. I will do that by Tueday. Jake has his opening coach's pitch tournament this Friday and we have had practice 3 nights a week. He also made straight A's this 9 weeks and we took him out to celebrate Thursday night. He has been 1 point from an A all year and he worked so hard this past nine weeks! SO, I will stop soon and do both. Keep checking. It will get done. Have a great last day to your weekend tomorrow! :)

Bella - Then and Now!!

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HAPPY 6 MONTH BIRTHDAY, BABY GIRL!!!!!!!

Bella is 6 months old today and Jake is 7 1/2 years old today!! We have been working on this slide show for quite sometime tonight. Nothing new has occurred- which I am not complaining. We have not had any kick outs in PGN and it has been almost 2 weeks!!! I do wish we were celebrating this day with her here, but it won't be long and she will be.

I will definitely not forget this day. I broke my pinkie finger at school today. I was reaching for a book on my bookshelf and jammed my finger into the back of my desk chair. IMMEDIATELY, it began to swell. It really was 2-3 times bigger than my left one. I left during lunch and went to have it x-rayed. The ligament tore and it splintered the bone. I am in a brace that is made just like the cast Jake had 3 weeks before our Feb. visit trip. He broke the ring finger and pinkie on his right hand playing football with his friends. Anyway, I had to promise the doctor I would only remove it to bathe. Otherwise, he would have put me in a real cast. I go back in 2 weeks and hopefully will loose the brace! Then I get back to school and trip over one of my student's shoes he took off during nap time. Hey-- it was dark and the shoes were hidden under his blanket. I stepped over him to get to my desk and tripped on the hidden shoes. I hit the ground like a wet noodle and think I twisted my ankle. Let me tell you-- this was not my day! I attribute it to being away from my baby girl on her 1/2 birthday. I am just all out of sorts and will continue to be until she is here where she belongs.

So, in closing... enjoy the pics from the first half of her first year and please, Sr. Barrios, send my daughter home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By Popular Demand--A Quick Lesson in the Adoption Process

I am getting several e-mails asking me to explain the whole process and what all of these initials mean. So, here goes...

We began the process by applying with our agency, and doing a homestudy with a social worker. Now let me just say that was interesting. We had to meet with this woman on 4 different occasions. The first meeting was just me and Jeff. She stayed with us for about an hour or so and asked us questions about our childhood, how we met and our views on parenting. She also wanted to know why we decided to adopt. For those of you that don't know, I have always said that I wanted to adopt. I remember it being up there with being a teacher. Jeff said he has always felt the desire, also. She told us that she hears that alot from families and that most of them suffer from infertility. I do not think this is a coincidence. I believe God pricks the hearts of some people at a very young age and that births something very special that manifests itself later in life. Adoption is not for everyone. Anyway, I have digressed. Back to the process... the other visits were individual ones- one with Jeff and one with me. The last one was a family one. She spoke with Jake separately and then with all of us together. One month later, we had a typed report that stated we were fit to adopt a baby. The journey begins...

We began working hard and compiling all of the necessary documents for the U.S. and Guatemalan governments. In July, we sent it all off to our attorney in Guatemala and began the process all involved hate the most-- waiting. The second week of September, we found out that a woman was scheduled to have a c-section on Sept.21. We were going to receive the baby as our referral. Your referral is when they match you with a certain baby. There was only one problem--Jake's birthday is Sept. 20 and he wanted his baby sister to share his birthday. I remember the night of the 19th we were saying prayers with him and he asked Jesus to let his baby sister be born the next day. Being the realist (faith-lacker) that I am, I explained that she was scheduled for the 21st and those things don't change. He told me, "Momma I prayed and Jesus is gonna do it." The faith of a child is so pure. Well, the next afternoon, on the way home from school, my cell phone rang and it was our adoption coordinator from our agency. As soon as I saw her name on my caller id, I knew we had a baby and that Jake's prayer had been answered!! Sure enough, for no "apparent" reason, the doctor rescheduled the c-section and our Bella was born early that afternoon on Wednesday, September 20-- the day her big brother turned 7 years old. We then rushed home and waited for Jeff to get home so we could look at the pictures of her. She was PERFECT.

The next steps that had to be done were for her and her birth mother to have a DNA test done to prove that she was indeed her child. Just as we met with our Social Worker, the birthmom had to meet with one in Guatemala. Hers was appointed by a judge in Family Court and we had to wait for the report to be done. Once we had that, we had to wait for our DNA results. They came in early January. The next step took forever!!! We waited 49 days for Pre-approval from our embassy. We needed this before we could enter the final phase. This came on March 1, the day we brought Bella back to the hogar (orphanage). If you haven't read those posts, go back and do so. It will shed more light on what was going on at that time and the significance of it all.

On March 8, we were resubmitted to PGN. I say REsubmitted, because our attorney went ahead and submitted us the first time on Feb. 12, knowing that once our reviewer saw that we were lacking PA (preapproval), we would get kicked out. This is called a previo. PGN is the equivalent to our Attorney General's office. There are reviewers that go through all of the paperwork that we gathered last summer and decide if it meets their specifications. Once they decide that all is okay with our file, they sign off on it and it goes to the director's desk, for his final signature. If they want some document redone, they issue us a previo. They can issue as many as they want. We then have to redo them, and it can take weeks to get back into PGN. We are hoping that our reviewer looked over everything before he kicked us out for no PA and that we won't get any more kick outs. The average time spent in this final phase is 5o days. We are believing God that we will be out sooner and be able to get Bella home in May! Please pray for this!!!!!!

So, the latest is that we have successfully been in PGN for exactly one week today and as of 11:20 P.M., we have not gotten any previos. Pray that this trend continues.

We have finished Bella's room and it is as girly as a room can get. We will post pictures this weekend. I have been shopping for clothes and odds and ends that I haven't used in many years. You know--sippy cups, feeding bowls, baby spoons and bottles. We are definitely ready for Bella to be home where she belongs. And I know our God will do just that-- get her here soon!

We're back in!!!!!!!!!

We found out today that we were resubmitted into PGN yesterday!!!! Now I want out (with no previos, of course)! It's funny--this is the one place you can't wait to enter and then immediately can't wait to leave. Those of you that are going through or have gone through this process totally get that, don't you? We don't know how long- it is different for everyone, but we are praying and believing God that she will be home by Mother's Day. That day is also my Daddy's birthday and it would be nice to have her here to celebrate.

Last year on Mother's Day, we had started the process by applying with our agency and was waiting to begin our home study at the end of the month. Well, normally, my husband and I exchange 2 cards for every holiday- a serious one and a funny one. That day, he handed me 4 cards. Well, I knew 2 were from him and 1 was from Jake. I was confused about the 4th one. Never once did it cross my mind what I was about to find when I opened it. He had bought one from our daughter that we knew we were adopting . He had signed it for her and said she would see be with me next year on Mother's Day. Now, I don't know about you, but I felt he was the most romantic man on the planet after that. He thought of that all by himself! So, it would really mean alot to me if Bella would be here that special Sunday in May. Please be praying that God grants that desire of my heart.

My friend Steph is going to pick up her baby girl, Amelia, next week. Stephanie and Joel have been through a really tough year with this whole process. I am so happy for them and cannot wait for Amelia to join their family. One day I will be able to tell her about the tears her momma cried and the prayers we all prayed for her. She truly is a miracle baby girl!!! We love ya'll!

Jake has started coach's pitch and is playing 2nd base. Jeff is coaching and we have practices 3 times a week. Needless to say, we are keeping very busy. I will be starting to wrap up the school year and getting ready for Kindergarten Graduation. We only have 41 days of school left!!!!!!!! I think I may be more excited about summer vacation than my students. After this year with our adoption, I NEED a vacation.

Keep us in your prayers and we will keep you posted as soon as we get information.

Back to a somewhat normal life...

Right now we are waiting to see if we were resubmitted to PGN yet. Our attorney was supposed to have had our PA picked up at the window by her runner on Friday. I am waiting to hear from our adoption coordinator as to if that actually happened. I know both her and our attorney have been very busy with all of the particulars of the Protocolo. I am hoping the old saying "no news is good news" holds true for this. I will definitely let everyone know as soon as we are told.

I went back to work today. My students missed me lots and were very happy that I was back. Gina, my aide (and friend), and Mrs. Gaines, one of my student's moms (and friend), held down the kindergarten fort while I was gone. They did a GREAT job! I would not have been able to visit my baby girl if it weren't for them. Thanks, you guys! I will be very busy until the end of school. It is time to start preparing for Kindergarten Graduation. This is my favorite part of the school year. They are sooo cute in their little caps and gowns, showing off all that they have learned. So, hopefully this will keep me busy and make the rest of the school year (and time in PGN) go faster.

Apart from this, there is nothing exciting to report. I miss my baby girl terribly, but God is getting me through. I plan to finish her room this weekend. I have it primed, but need to put the final coat of paint on it and put the furniture in there. I will post pics as soon as I have it all done. Please continue to pray for us that we would have favor with the reviewers and Director in PGN. I know what they are telling me the average time in there is (2-3 months), but I know that NO ONE can keep us in there a second longer than the Lord allows! So, Barrios, let my daughter GO!!!!!!

Missing Her Already!

We returned Bella to the hogar Thursday afternoon at 4:30. It was very difficult for all of us. (You can see how difficult by looking at the last picture of me, her and Jake on Thursday's post. It was taken right before I gave her back to her caretaker.) It was like she woke up that morning and knew what was going to happen. She was somber all day and went back to really studying me. She did this on the last trip. It was as though she was memorizing me. I held it together pretty well. I could definitely tell their were people praying for us. I packed up everything before we brought her back this time. Last visit I waited until we came back from the hogar and it was harder. The hotel room felt very empty that night. I just hope she did not feel abandoned by us.

We made it back home yesterday afternoon. I must say that I am doing much better this time after leaving her than I did in October. It was hardest when the plane was taking off down the runway. For those of you that have experienced this on your own visit trips, you know the feeling I am talking about. You realize that you are leaving your child behind in another country. Yes, the flight is only 2 hours and 50 minutes from Houston, Texas, but nonetheless, it is another COUNTRY. I felt like part of me was missing--and it still is, and will be until she is with us again.

We really enjoyed meeting the families that we did on this trip. We met a great woman from New York City that was there picking up her precious baby boy. She is going to be a great and really FUN mom to him. He is a lucky boy. Her sister was there with her and we really enjoyed seeing them be "sisters". She really gave Jeff a run for his money. She cut him no slack and left him speechless at times. He definitely met his match in her!! So, Suzanne, enjoy every minute with your baby boy and get ready because we will take you up on your offer to visit. Jake said to tell you "the Yankees RULE!"

We are hoping that when our PA got picked up at the window yesterday, that we were then submitted to PGN. This is the final phase for the adoption before it becomes final. It is equivalent to our Attorney General's office. Reviewers go through all of your paperwork to be sure every "t" is crossed and every "i" is dotted. Then they sign off and give it to the director to do the same. He can be really mean and take a while to do that. We need favor with him. I appreciate the prayers you all have prayed for us. Please keep them up. We can definitely feel them!!!! I need you to be specific with them now. We need to have favor with our reviewer and with the director, himself. We are believing God to be bringing Bella home by Mother's Day. It will take a miracle for that to happen. After the week of miracles we have received, I KNOW it can and will happen. We also need to pray that President Berger's Protocolo does not get implemented any time soon. They are saying within 3 weeks it will be and all adoptions will be suspended. I believe God is bigger and if we ask, He will prevent it. There are too many families trying to get their babies home and it needs to happen first. So, please put us on every prayer chain you know of and also remember to pray for other families in this position, as well.

Here are some pictures for those of you that cannot seem to get enough of our baby girl. (And who can blame you?)

PA!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, if you thought God was moving on our behalf yesterday, then today's happenings are going to blow your mind!!! Last night, before I went to sleep, I was holding Bella on my chset while she slept. I asked God for one more sign to let me know that when I brought her back to the hogar (orphanage), it would not be the last time I saw her. Remember when I asked everyone to pray for God's favor in getting us Pre Approval from our embassy? Well, I wanted to open my e-mail in the morning and see PA, after 49 days of waiting and wondering. God is sooo good. I opened my e-mail this morning and saw that at 9:39, we were issued PA!!!!!!!!!!!!! I now know that God was waiting to have our PA issue so that He could bring me comfort on a day when I needed it the most--the day when the President of Guatemala was set to sign an executive order that would suspend all adoptions in process. Well, not only did He bring me comfort today, but the executive order was announced, not yet implemented. It must be brought before their congress before it can be. That takes funds that they are in the process of trying to obtain. It will take weeks for that to occur. I believe that this is just a way for God to show Himself mighty. We will wait and see.

We brought Bella back to the hogar at 4:30. It was very difficult for me. Jake cried before we left the hotel and then again when we handed her to her nanny. It was almost like she knew before we left the hotel. Her disposition today was cautious and not as happy. Whenever I handed her to the nanny, she looked at me with those BIG brown eyes as if to say, "I understand and will wait for you to come back." It broke my heart. But I must say, I know many of you must have been truly praying for us, because I felt God's peace in the midst of the pain. I prayed for God to minister to her little mind and to encamp His angels around her. I asked Him to be there and protect her from any confusing thoughts she may be thinking. If you think about it, please pray for her daily.

Well, we should be resubmitted to PGN tomorrow and then it is up to God to speed us on through to the finish line. If you want to know how to specifically pray for us, pray that we have favor with our reviewer and that they sign our file quickly. I will keep you posted.

But for now, enjoy some of our pics from the last day of our visit trip with Bella.