Tomorrow will be 3 weeks in PGN and no kick outs since our resubmission! After last night, I am emotionally drained. Today, at school a friend of mine made me a sweet card with 2 verses that I really needed. I would like to share them with you.
Exodus 33:14 "My presence will go with thee, and I will give thee rest."
Boy, do I need His presence and His rest. I know that I trust God, but I am struggling because I am anxious everyday. I told my husband today that I measure my days in increments. The first is noon. I check my e-mail during lunch to see if I have a e-mail from our coordinator. When I don't have anything, I breathe half a sigh of relief. Then I rush home to check it again to see if anything happened since my last check. The last sigh of relief comes when I check right before bed. I sleep well and then wake up to do it all over again! Pretty pathetic, uh? I am working on having the faith that Jeff has. He never checks because he says we have already gotten our pevio--kick out for no PA.
Psalm 68:19,20 "Blessed be the Lord, Who daily bears our burdens and carries us day by day...
"God is to us a God of deliverances and salvation..."
I thank Him that He bears our burdens. I guess I haven't learned to give Him total control. Everyone that knows me, know how hard headed and strong willed I am. You would think that I would have learned to give it ALL to Him by now. I need to just leave it with Him and let Him handle it. I know He has the appointed time to get us out of PGN.
I want to close with a verse that just jumped off the page of my Bible. It is Psalm 69:3 "I am weary with my crying; my throat is parched; my eyes fail with waiting for my God." I am tired of crying, tired of missing her,tired of waiting. I just want my baby girl home with me.
I feel we are so close and Satan is not happy about God's plan for our family coming to pass. He is pulling out all stops and I am being driven closer into the arms of my heavenly Father. He promises rest to the weary and tonight I have decided to give it to Him, rest in Him and stop anticipating a previo. We WILL be out of PGN soon and Bella will be home where she belongs.
I may be rambling-- I guess it shows how I feel inside. I feel discombobulated (correct spelling?) inside and am going to find some time this weekend to stop, be still and remember that He is God!!
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4 comments:
Amanda--Those verses are enough to get me through this day! Thank you for your heart and your trust and for encouraging me to rest in Him today. He is good and He is faithful to us and to our precious babies!
This journey is just a roller coaster of emotions, isn't it? I've been praying for you and will continue!!
Jami
Amanda,
I needed to hear that today! God already knows when our girls will be OUT of PGN, and I pray that His appointed day is soon. I too miss my girl SO much. The longing for her is indescribable, but I know that God loves her even more than I do!
Hi,
I hope you continue to go through PGN without another previo. Thanks for your encouragement on my blog. This is so hard and I feel like I'm losing my strength! It's nice to have the support of others in the same place. I am also sorry for the loss of your dog. You need a break! May God bring all of our babies home and soon!
Donna
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