Once again, I am letting everyone down (at least, those that want to see Bella's room). I am sorry to report that I don't have the last few things hung on the wall or the pictures taken. My son started running a high fever last night. I took him to the doctor this afternoon and she said it was probably just a fever virus that had to run its course. Well... 3 hours later, he began to throw up. Yes, he has a stomach virus- the 3rd one this school year. Needless to say, I will try to post her room once he recovers. SORRY! Please pray for him to get past this AND that Jeff and I don't get it. I have 12 days of school left and can't afford to miss anymore. I have kindergarten graduation to do.
I did find out that we should be hearing something from our attorney within the next week!! Tomorrow (Tuesday) marks one week and she said we should know something in 2 . We are waiting for the judge to do one of two things. Either he/she rules with our attorney and view our previous KO from PGN as frivolous and sign our adoption decree, or he/she rules in favor of fixing the previo. If that happens, then my attorney fixes it and resubmits it to the FC judge- not PGN and then the judge signs the adoption decree. This could delay us a little bit. We are praying that he/she will rule in favor of not needing it fixed. If so, then we could be traveling the first part of June! Please be praying that we have favor and that it happens SOON!! We truly could get THE call any day now!!!
It amazes me that this is all going to be over really soon! I could be with my baby girl within a month (give or take a week)!! My blogging buddy, Lou, keeps repeating the feelings of disbelief. I can really relate. You wait and wait. You visit and have to return them and then one day, you actually get to get them and NEVER give them back. I am so ready for it to be that day! I feel it is going to happen and it is going to be soon. Thanks for your continued prayers and encouragement!!! We love ya all.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Okay, I can't leave you hanging anymore!
Okay...At times in my life, God has given me dreams that He uses to either speak to me or to have me pray for others. Friday night I had one of them. I talked to a friend of mine that went on our agency visit trip this past week. She saw Bella at the hogar and reported all to me. Bella has 2 bottom teeth, is pushing up on her hands and rocking back and forth on her knees. She is scooting and on the verge of crawling. She said she is an extremely happy baby and very nosey! This made me feel happy and very sad. I am happy to hear that she is doing so good, but sad that she is not doing it with me. You other adoptive moms totally understand.
Okay, back to the dream. I went to bed crying myself to sleep. My husband had to work this weekend and I got up to talk to him while he was getting ready. I went back to sleep and had this dream. In the dream, Bella was not home and then all of a sudden she was. We were taking her all over to have everyone meet her. She was SO happy and I remember thinking "Wow, this was a very smooth transition!" I woke up from a sound sleep at 9:00 A.M. and was singing (out loud, as I woke up) the following words: "I will praise You in the storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are, no matter where I am." (Casting Crowns) Right then and there, I felt peace like I have NEVER felt before come over me. God began to speak to my heart.
He said alot. "I am just waiting for you to begin to praise Me. I want to send Bella home to your family, but I need to do something in you, first. Just begin to praise Me and she will be home soon. I am taking care of her and she will be fine when you get her." Now, I can honestly say, I have not received any new information on the status of our case. I am going on nothing but what I feel inside me. I have said this before, but those of you that know me, know that I have always had to have things all figured out. I need to know how everything is going to work out. I thought that I had surrendered, but I hadn't. Even though PGN is a long process and can be very unpredictable, there really is some predictability to it. While in PGN, I still had my finger on the situation and felt that I had some control. I had every possible scenario figured out- both good and bad. God had to show me otherwise. I know there is something very specific that God has called my family to do and this adoption is the beginning of it. I also believe that, in order for us to be able to do it, I have to learn an important lesson. I MUST learn to TRUST God with my future and not try to map it out myself. That is a HUGE thing for me!!! I must say, though, that it is neat to know that He loves me enough to watch me endure this so that He can change me and grow me. (And boy, have I grown!!)
I was originally resubmitted to PGN on March 8 and this week Barrios signed out resubmits from that week. If we would not have gotten the KO, we would probably have gotten out this week. I know now why we are where we are in this process. He had to allow it, because now I am at a place of total uncertainty. My adoption guide cannot give me ANY details on this process with the FC judge, because my attorney has never done it before. God has a sense of humor. Of all cases for her to do this with in her career, mine would be on of them!
I cannot say WHEN Bella is coming home, but I CAN say that she IS coming home, and I feel confident that it will be soon! You know, God tried to show me what He wanted me to do earlier in the week, but I was not listening. Another friend of mine, sent me an e-mail one morning that said to put on praise and worship music and begin praising Him and thanking Him. I, of course, was in no frame of mind to receive it then. But, God in His goodness, pressed through and gave me the dream. So to my friend (you know who you are), I want to say thank you. You were used to prepare my heart!
Please continue to pray for us and for favor with the FC judge. We will be getting new pics of Bella this week and I will be sure to post them. I am going to post pics of her room tomorrow night. I have a few things for Jeff to hang on the wall tomorrow evening and then I will put the pics on here. I PROMISE!!
Okay, back to the dream. I went to bed crying myself to sleep. My husband had to work this weekend and I got up to talk to him while he was getting ready. I went back to sleep and had this dream. In the dream, Bella was not home and then all of a sudden she was. We were taking her all over to have everyone meet her. She was SO happy and I remember thinking "Wow, this was a very smooth transition!" I woke up from a sound sleep at 9:00 A.M. and was singing (out loud, as I woke up) the following words: "I will praise You in the storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are, no matter where I am." (Casting Crowns) Right then and there, I felt peace like I have NEVER felt before come over me. God began to speak to my heart.
He said alot. "I am just waiting for you to begin to praise Me. I want to send Bella home to your family, but I need to do something in you, first. Just begin to praise Me and she will be home soon. I am taking care of her and she will be fine when you get her." Now, I can honestly say, I have not received any new information on the status of our case. I am going on nothing but what I feel inside me. I have said this before, but those of you that know me, know that I have always had to have things all figured out. I need to know how everything is going to work out. I thought that I had surrendered, but I hadn't. Even though PGN is a long process and can be very unpredictable, there really is some predictability to it. While in PGN, I still had my finger on the situation and felt that I had some control. I had every possible scenario figured out- both good and bad. God had to show me otherwise. I know there is something very specific that God has called my family to do and this adoption is the beginning of it. I also believe that, in order for us to be able to do it, I have to learn an important lesson. I MUST learn to TRUST God with my future and not try to map it out myself. That is a HUGE thing for me!!! I must say, though, that it is neat to know that He loves me enough to watch me endure this so that He can change me and grow me. (And boy, have I grown!!)
I was originally resubmitted to PGN on March 8 and this week Barrios signed out resubmits from that week. If we would not have gotten the KO, we would probably have gotten out this week. I know now why we are where we are in this process. He had to allow it, because now I am at a place of total uncertainty. My adoption guide cannot give me ANY details on this process with the FC judge, because my attorney has never done it before. God has a sense of humor. Of all cases for her to do this with in her career, mine would be on of them!
I cannot say WHEN Bella is coming home, but I CAN say that she IS coming home, and I feel confident that it will be soon! You know, God tried to show me what He wanted me to do earlier in the week, but I was not listening. Another friend of mine, sent me an e-mail one morning that said to put on praise and worship music and begin praising Him and thanking Him. I, of course, was in no frame of mind to receive it then. But, God in His goodness, pressed through and gave me the dream. So to my friend (you know who you are), I want to say thank you. You were used to prepare my heart!
Please continue to pray for us and for favor with the FC judge. We will be getting new pics of Bella this week and I will be sure to post them. I am going to post pics of her room tomorrow night. I have a few things for Jeff to hang on the wall tomorrow evening and then I will put the pics on here. I PROMISE!!
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Another BREAKTHROUGH!!!
Just to let you know, God has been working (in me) and speaking BIG TIME since my last post. I don't have time to explain, but I will this weekend. Check back and be amazed at my God...
Bittersweet News
I just got word that Bella has 2 bottom teeth. She is a happy baby and laughs very easily. She is pushing up with her arms and scooting. She is on the verge of crawling. I really thought I would have her home to experience these things with her. I am having a hard time these days. I don't know how long it will be until we find out something. At least when we were in PGN, we knew what to expect-- at least with the procedure. I hope to know something by the end of May. What I do know is that each day that passes, takes one day away that I get with her this summer before I return to school. That, my friends, is the part that is so difficult.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Finally... An Update!
I found out today that our case was presented to a Family Court judge YESTERDAY morning!!!! I don't have any further information or time lines. I am not even sure of the protocol for this type of thing. I am just thankful to know that something is being done to get my baby girl home. I will post more when I find out more. I will be getting new pictures of Bella within a week and will post them. I also found out that she is just about crawling and laughs lots!!! Please pray for FAVOR with that judge so that Bella can come home for the summer. Thank you all for your encouraging comments and prayers that you have been sending my way during this VERY difficult time. I truly don't know how I would have survived if I had not found this blogging support group.
I am praying that we will hear GOOD things by next week. Stay tuned...
I am praying that we will hear GOOD things by next week. Stay tuned...
Help
For those of you that may not know, we got a previo at the end of March for something on the birth mom's cedula. My attorney said it was a frivolous one and she was tired of PGN doing this. My case was supposed to be presented to a Family Court judge to get a ruling. I do not know if that has happened yet. I am not receiving ANY info. and I cannot stand it anymore. I am trying to find out what is happening, but am not being successful. Please pray that God would move on their hearts to give me SOMETHING!! I appreciate all of the wonderful people that I have gotten to know through blog world. Thank you all so much for your support, prayers and encouragement. I will post again once things seem to be progressing if you want to check back periodically. I went through 6 1/2 years of infertility and had a hard time with it. This is by far a worse than that journey was. I will still check my daily blogs to see how you are progressing. I will continue to pray for all of you that you get good news soon and that your beautiful babies come home. So, thanks again-- you have all been wonderful. I will continue to trust God to bring my Bella home.
I guess this is what it means to be tested. I remember telling friend of mine that we must drive our stake in the ground and fight for our children. Satan is not happy about Godly moms and dads bringing children into Godly homes to serve the Lord. Well, I thought I was fighting before-- I had NO idea!!!! Please pray for my strength. I am so very weary and scared. I start school Aug. 7 and want so badly to be able to take care of Bella when she gets home. After all, I have waited for this for so long. As things are looking now, that may not happen. I am the kindergarten teacher at a private school and cannot take off time when school begins. I know God knows this, but it seems like it doesn't matter. I am scared that my husband will be going to get our daughter-- the one I have prayed and cried for over many years-- and be the one to take care of her when we get home. She will be 1 in September and the thought of only seeing her for 4-5 hours in the afternoons when I get home is too much to bear. Please pray that this does not happen and that my attorney begins to get things done to get her home soon. I really thought she would be home in May, but that does not seem to be the case. Now, I can only hope it will be June. If ever I needed your prayers, this is THE time. I promise to post as soon as I hear something. I have been waiting 2 weeks so far. This is worse that waiting in the black hole of PGN!!
I guess this is what it means to be tested. I remember telling friend of mine that we must drive our stake in the ground and fight for our children. Satan is not happy about Godly moms and dads bringing children into Godly homes to serve the Lord. Well, I thought I was fighting before-- I had NO idea!!!! Please pray for my strength. I am so very weary and scared. I start school Aug. 7 and want so badly to be able to take care of Bella when she gets home. After all, I have waited for this for so long. As things are looking now, that may not happen. I am the kindergarten teacher at a private school and cannot take off time when school begins. I know God knows this, but it seems like it doesn't matter. I am scared that my husband will be going to get our daughter-- the one I have prayed and cried for over many years-- and be the one to take care of her when we get home. She will be 1 in September and the thought of only seeing her for 4-5 hours in the afternoons when I get home is too much to bear. Please pray that this does not happen and that my attorney begins to get things done to get her home soon. I really thought she would be home in May, but that does not seem to be the case. Now, I can only hope it will be June. If ever I needed your prayers, this is THE time. I promise to post as soon as I hear something. I have been waiting 2 weeks so far. This is worse that waiting in the black hole of PGN!!
Friday, April 20, 2007
7 Months
My Bella is 7 months old today and we are not with her to celebrate. This has been a very emotional day for me. You know how you always find yourself saying "I can't take much more."? Well, usually when I say that, I secretly know I still have a ways to go before it becomes true. Not now. I truly feel like I could explode at ANY second. My nerves are shot and I JUST WANT MY BABY GIRL HOME!!!!!!!
No news yet as to what is going on in Guatemala to get Bella home. I will post as soon as I get info. In the meantime, pray for me, Jeff and Jake. We all are having a tough time of it lately.
No news yet as to what is going on in Guatemala to get Bella home. I will post as soon as I get info. In the meantime, pray for me, Jeff and Jake. We all are having a tough time of it lately.
Monday, April 16, 2007
PRAY!!!!!!
We really need your prayers tomorrow and Wednesday. We need favor. God seems to be moving on our behalf to bring our baby girl home. I will update when I get more info. Thanks!!
Still No News
Well, I got land blasted last Tuesday morning and have not heard anything yet. This is incredibly hard to go through!! I have a call into my adoption coordinator from our agency and have sent an e-mail. NO ANSWER!!! All I can do is pray. I ask all of you to please do the same thing. We are going to have our case brought before a Family Court judge. He/she decides on it. I am unsure of all the possibilities. That is what I am trying to find out, but am having no luck. What I do know is that I will not be resubmitted to PGN. So again... Please Pray!
This has become my "theme" song. I wake up in the middle of the night and find myself saying the words in my mind. It has brought me some comfort. It may help some of you out there, as well.
Bebo Norman - I Will Lift My Eyes
God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs you now
God be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in
Chorus:
I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You
God, my God, let Mercy sing
Her melody over me
God, right here all I bring
Is all of me
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in
Chorus:
‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
The Lover I need to save me
‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it
together, God So hold me now
This has become my "theme" song. I wake up in the middle of the night and find myself saying the words in my mind. It has brought me some comfort. It may help some of you out there, as well.
Bebo Norman - I Will Lift My Eyes
God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs you now
God be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in
Chorus:
I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You
God, my God, let Mercy sing
Her melody over me
God, right here all I bring
Is all of me
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in
Chorus:
‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
The Lover I need to save me
‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it
together, God So hold me now
Thursday, April 12, 2007
My Beautiful Baby Girl!
I just got these new pictures. They were taken today. She is so perfectly, beautiful.
Bella,
There are so many people here that love you and are praying you home. I cannot wait to intoduce you to them! Hang on, baby girl, we are coming soon!! We love you!
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Another Promise
I went to the zoo today with my sister, nephew, mom and Jake. We had fun. My mom bought Bella the cutest pink and brown striped tank dress from Baby Gap. As I decided on what size I should get ( this was a huge step of faith--I am more in the dark now as to when she will be home than I was when we started this process!), I asked God to give me a verse to stand on. I wanted one that was specific to ME. Well, I got home and did what I always do when I get home-- check my blogs to see if anyone got good news. I have stumbled across so many in the past several weeks. As I was reading one, a verse jumped off the screen at me. This is how it was written:
"I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I am doing. I have it all planned out- plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Jeremiah 29:11
This was as though God, Himself was speaking to just me. It fits what I am going through perfectly. It gives me specific answers. Now, first understand that Jeremiah 29:11-14 are my favorite verses in the Bible. But, I have NEVER read them interpreted this way before. I told someone today- "I don't know what God is doing." Well, He evidently wanted me to know that He does! I said to that person,"I don't know my attorney's plans and that bothers me." Well, again, He reminded me that it is ultimately His plans, not hers, that I should be concerned about! I also said,"What if the daughter I thought I would always have, isn't in my future?" Well, I think He answered that question LOUD and CLEAR!!!
So, tonight I am walking in the utmost of confidence- His confidence that Bella IS coming home to us, that He KNOWS what He is doing and He DOES have a plan. I choose to rejoice in that and that alone!!
"I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I am doing. I have it all planned out- plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." Jeremiah 29:11
This was as though God, Himself was speaking to just me. It fits what I am going through perfectly. It gives me specific answers. Now, first understand that Jeremiah 29:11-14 are my favorite verses in the Bible. But, I have NEVER read them interpreted this way before. I told someone today- "I don't know what God is doing." Well, He evidently wanted me to know that He does! I said to that person,"I don't know my attorney's plans and that bothers me." Well, again, He reminded me that it is ultimately His plans, not hers, that I should be concerned about! I also said,"What if the daughter I thought I would always have, isn't in my future?" Well, I think He answered that question LOUD and CLEAR!!!
So, tonight I am walking in the utmost of confidence- His confidence that Bella IS coming home to us, that He KNOWS what He is doing and He DOES have a plan. I choose to rejoice in that and that alone!!
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
This Time I Surrender ALL!
Let me start by saying that this hit me HARD!! After I got up, I know why. This is difficult to admit, but here goes... Those of you that know me, know that I am a planner-big time! I do not like to control others. I like to control my circumstances and details of MY life. The biggest fights my husband and I used to have when we were first married was the fact that he never planned anything for us to do. I would get so upset and tell him that he never took the initiative to make plans for us on the weekends. He finally told me it was because I had 4-5 weekends planned in advance! He didn't get a chance to-- I had beaten him to it. This is so true. Okay, back to the adoption... The truth is that all this time I claimed I had surrendered. But true surrender does NOT have a back-up plan, nor does it have things all figured out. After going through infertility, I thought I had learned what surrender meant. Then when I began this process, I again have been thinking that I know its meaning. This event has proven to me that I have only been holding my hands half-way up, instead of all the way!
I looked up the meaning of the word surrender. Here is the definition: to yield (something) to the possession or power of another. Okay. I had not surrendered, based on this meaning. Until now, I had prayed and it looked as though things were going to work out the way I thought and figured they needed to. I am a kindergarten teacher and I have to go back to school on Aug.7 after the summer. I have been so obsessed with this minute detail, that I had God put in a box. I know better than that, but yet, my hard headed self did it anyway! How am I to know that He does not have a bigger and better plan for bringing Bella home than what I had figured out. Tonight I am confident in the truth that my planning WILL NOT bring her home.
Another definition I found was for the word trust: reliance on the integrity, strength, ability and surety of a person or thing. Boy, have I NOT been doing that! I have been relying on my ability and the surety of the time line I mapped out. When I stand back and look at the situation from an outsider's point of view, I realize how crazy that is. I mean, I am a child of the most high God and I am trying to do His job. (See.. you think it sounds crazy, too!) Why do I struggle when I can just rest and wait to see Him work on my behalf?
As I type, I realized something else. Surrender also means to give up, abandon, or relinquish. Because Bella's birth mom could not provide for her, she chose to relinquish her to the care of someone who could. If she had only half-way surrendered her, then I could not become her mother. She had to totally, one hundred percent chose to give her up to me in order for this to work. It is the same thing when it comes to me surrendering to God. I must totally, one hundred percent give this to Him and let His perfect plan unfold. Trust also can mean to give charge, custody or care of something or someone. She also had to trust that she was doing the right thing and giving her baby girl to the charge and care of someone who was able to do what she could not. It she half-heartedly did this, I again, could not become her mother. Trust and surrender play a BIG part in this process. One that ALL parties involved must do whole-heartedly.
When God asked us to step out in faith a year ago, He did not map out our destination. He only asked us to be obedient even though it looked impossible. I started out letting God "drive". As things and circumstances began to slow down, at times stop, and at other times take a long detour, I gradually took over the steering wheel. Tonight I realized that somewhere along the way, I never gave it back to Him. The astounding part is that He loves me despite this fault. He loves me so much that He found a way to get my attention and let me see that it is not my steering that is going to bring her home. It is His!
Last March, Jeff had a vivid dream on a Saturday night. He said he found himself standing with Jesus. He told Jeff "Go". Jeff asked "Go where?" He replied,"I have something for you, Amanda, Jake and Isabella to do." Jeff asked "Who is Isabella?" Jesus told him"She is the daughter I am going to give to you. Now, go." At that time, we were not even discussing adoption. We knew the cost and knew our fianances and that it was not something we were able to do. We both have always wanted to, but we were limiting His ability. God reminded me of the dream tonight on the way home from dinner with my parents. (By the way, Mom you were right-- I did need to go with ya'll!) He has spoken to my heart on many occasions and told me that this whole process was not just about bringing Bella home. My husband reminds me of that alot and tonight my dad confirmed it, also. God's plans are so great and bigger than we can imagine and if I don't relinquish control of getting her home by my certain date, then I may just miss out on what He wants to do.
So... tonight, I am here to say to all of you that read this, that I stand here with my arms held HIGH in total surrender!
"Father, I am sorry for not trusting You and not surrendering my daughter, my process and my family to You. I have forgotten Who You are and what You are able to do, if I just step out of the way. I do not know what the days ahead hold for us, but one thing I DO know is that my times are in Your hands. I will leave them there and stand firm and see the salvation of the Lord working on my behalf! God, I trust you to bring Bella home to us at YOUR appropriate time-- no matter when that may be or what I have to face when it comes. You are my Father and you desire the best for me, Jeff, Jake and Bella. My earthly father has NEVER done anything but good towards me and I know that You love me so much more than He does. Thank you for my family and friends that you have given to me. Their support, encouragement and love mean more to me than I can express. Now, please go before us and pave the way for Bella to join our family so that we may begin the work You have set out for us to do. We are ready! In Jesus' name, Amen."
I looked up the meaning of the word surrender. Here is the definition: to yield (something) to the possession or power of another. Okay. I had not surrendered, based on this meaning. Until now, I had prayed and it looked as though things were going to work out the way I thought and figured they needed to. I am a kindergarten teacher and I have to go back to school on Aug.7 after the summer. I have been so obsessed with this minute detail, that I had God put in a box. I know better than that, but yet, my hard headed self did it anyway! How am I to know that He does not have a bigger and better plan for bringing Bella home than what I had figured out. Tonight I am confident in the truth that my planning WILL NOT bring her home.
Another definition I found was for the word trust: reliance on the integrity, strength, ability and surety of a person or thing. Boy, have I NOT been doing that! I have been relying on my ability and the surety of the time line I mapped out. When I stand back and look at the situation from an outsider's point of view, I realize how crazy that is. I mean, I am a child of the most high God and I am trying to do His job. (See.. you think it sounds crazy, too!) Why do I struggle when I can just rest and wait to see Him work on my behalf?
As I type, I realized something else. Surrender also means to give up, abandon, or relinquish. Because Bella's birth mom could not provide for her, she chose to relinquish her to the care of someone who could. If she had only half-way surrendered her, then I could not become her mother. She had to totally, one hundred percent chose to give her up to me in order for this to work. It is the same thing when it comes to me surrendering to God. I must totally, one hundred percent give this to Him and let His perfect plan unfold. Trust also can mean to give charge, custody or care of something or someone. She also had to trust that she was doing the right thing and giving her baby girl to the charge and care of someone who was able to do what she could not. It she half-heartedly did this, I again, could not become her mother. Trust and surrender play a BIG part in this process. One that ALL parties involved must do whole-heartedly.
When God asked us to step out in faith a year ago, He did not map out our destination. He only asked us to be obedient even though it looked impossible. I started out letting God "drive". As things and circumstances began to slow down, at times stop, and at other times take a long detour, I gradually took over the steering wheel. Tonight I realized that somewhere along the way, I never gave it back to Him. The astounding part is that He loves me despite this fault. He loves me so much that He found a way to get my attention and let me see that it is not my steering that is going to bring her home. It is His!
Last March, Jeff had a vivid dream on a Saturday night. He said he found himself standing with Jesus. He told Jeff "Go". Jeff asked "Go where?" He replied,"I have something for you, Amanda, Jake and Isabella to do." Jeff asked "Who is Isabella?" Jesus told him"She is the daughter I am going to give to you. Now, go." At that time, we were not even discussing adoption. We knew the cost and knew our fianances and that it was not something we were able to do. We both have always wanted to, but we were limiting His ability. God reminded me of the dream tonight on the way home from dinner with my parents. (By the way, Mom you were right-- I did need to go with ya'll!) He has spoken to my heart on many occasions and told me that this whole process was not just about bringing Bella home. My husband reminds me of that alot and tonight my dad confirmed it, also. God's plans are so great and bigger than we can imagine and if I don't relinquish control of getting her home by my certain date, then I may just miss out on what He wants to do.
So... tonight, I am here to say to all of you that read this, that I stand here with my arms held HIGH in total surrender!
"Father, I am sorry for not trusting You and not surrendering my daughter, my process and my family to You. I have forgotten Who You are and what You are able to do, if I just step out of the way. I do not know what the days ahead hold for us, but one thing I DO know is that my times are in Your hands. I will leave them there and stand firm and see the salvation of the Lord working on my behalf! God, I trust you to bring Bella home to us at YOUR appropriate time-- no matter when that may be or what I have to face when it comes. You are my Father and you desire the best for me, Jeff, Jake and Bella. My earthly father has NEVER done anything but good towards me and I know that You love me so much more than He does. Thank you for my family and friends that you have given to me. Their support, encouragement and love mean more to me than I can express. Now, please go before us and pave the way for Bella to join our family so that we may begin the work You have set out for us to do. We are ready! In Jesus' name, Amen."
Well, I found out that our case "was rejected by the PGN" (exact words of our coordinator) because of the birthmom's cedula. We will not be resubmitted to PGN. Our attorney has decided to do something different this time. She is going to take it before a Family Court judge to get him to rule on it. She feels it is not necessary to fix. He then decides if it needs to be fixed or not. I do not know when this will happen or what the possible outcomes are. Please pray.
Detour
Jeff is sick. He has severe bronchitus. The doctor said he was just a few days away from pnuemonia. He stayed home from work yesterday and will be home today. We were up late watching a movie. As I was going to bed, I decided to check our e-mail. At 1:37 a.m. on TUESDAY morning, my coordinator sent me an e-mail letting me know we got a previo! The only info. she has is that it was for something stupid. That is all we know! This Thursday would have marked 5 weeks in PGN.
I'm going to be honest. I fell apart. I cried like I have NEVER cried before. I don't understand what is going on or what God is trying to teach me. I just know that I am a kindergarten teacher-- the only one at my private school and we have to report to school next school year on August 7. I have to start school or I don't have a job. I have to have a job. I was believing that she would be home at the end of May. Then I would have all summer with her. She has been in the hogar since she was less than 24 hours old. I need to be home with her-being the one taking care of her. If we would not have gotten this previo, we should have been getting out of PGN at the end of April or the 1st week in May. This is going on how Barrios has been signing cases out. He is on the second week in Feb. But... I guess that was according to MY plans. Those of you who know me and know what I have been through in the last 6 1/2 years, are probably thinking that I should know this by now: it's not about MY plans. I am hard headed. But, I am starting to get it!!
All I can do at this point is trust that He sees the whole picture and I see a small part. I can only wait and deal with what comes my way. I will continue on and believe that although things are not looking favorably right now, He is orchestrating EVERY detail for our good. I did not know when I posted on Friday about Times of Waiting, that I would be experiencing it today. I guess it is times like this that a person finds out what he or she is made of. Well, I am not too sure what I am made of, but I will drive my stake in the ground and not be moved by the darts that the enemy throws my way. Bella IS coming home soon-- maybe this is God's way of paving the way to perform the MIGHTIEST miracle of all in this adoption!!!
I am going to try to get some much-needed sleep. I feel like I am in the twilight zone right now. I know that I will be thinking more clearly in the morning and will post again once I am. I will keep you posted as I get new information. In the meantime, please pray for me and pray that this gets resoved quickly. Thanks
I'm going to be honest. I fell apart. I cried like I have NEVER cried before. I don't understand what is going on or what God is trying to teach me. I just know that I am a kindergarten teacher-- the only one at my private school and we have to report to school next school year on August 7. I have to start school or I don't have a job. I have to have a job. I was believing that she would be home at the end of May. Then I would have all summer with her. She has been in the hogar since she was less than 24 hours old. I need to be home with her-being the one taking care of her. If we would not have gotten this previo, we should have been getting out of PGN at the end of April or the 1st week in May. This is going on how Barrios has been signing cases out. He is on the second week in Feb. But... I guess that was according to MY plans. Those of you who know me and know what I have been through in the last 6 1/2 years, are probably thinking that I should know this by now: it's not about MY plans. I am hard headed. But, I am starting to get it!!
All I can do at this point is trust that He sees the whole picture and I see a small part. I can only wait and deal with what comes my way. I will continue on and believe that although things are not looking favorably right now, He is orchestrating EVERY detail for our good. I did not know when I posted on Friday about Times of Waiting, that I would be experiencing it today. I guess it is times like this that a person finds out what he or she is made of. Well, I am not too sure what I am made of, but I will drive my stake in the ground and not be moved by the darts that the enemy throws my way. Bella IS coming home soon-- maybe this is God's way of paving the way to perform the MIGHTIEST miracle of all in this adoption!!!
I am going to try to get some much-needed sleep. I feel like I am in the twilight zone right now. I know that I will be thinking more clearly in the morning and will post again once I am. I will keep you posted as I get new information. In the meantime, please pray for me and pray that this gets resoved quickly. Thanks
Friday, April 6, 2007
Times of Waiting
I don't know about all you other Guatemamas, but I have been having a difficult time this week. We hit our 4 week mark in PGN yesterday, and it is Holy Week there. It seems that there is always a major holiday that slows us down at an integral part of our process. Christmas slowed down our DNA process, and now Easter is holding us in PGN an extra week. Well, i have somehthing to share with all of you. My friend sent this to me today. She got it from her daily devotion. I hope that it speaks to your heart, as it spoke to mine and brings each of you peace as you go through this special holiday time without your babies. Happy Easter!!
Times of Waiting
As Paul was returning to Jerusalem at the end of his third missionary journey, he already had a sense of where his next journey would lead; "after I have been there, I must visit Rome" (Acts 19:21). But he also knew he was about to face many difficulties; "in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me" (Acts 20:23). Paul was arrested less than ten days after arriving in Jerusalem. He probably didn't realize it at the time, but his journey to Rome had just begun.Paul's journey to Rome would last about two and a half years and include many legal and physical trials - and many opportunities to demonstrate his faith in Jesus Christ. Surprisingly, it also included two long years where Paul had nothing to do but sit in prison and wait for an occasional visit with the Governor before being transferred to the courts of Rome.Acts 24:25"As Paul discoursed on righteousness, self-control and the judgment to come, Felix was afraid and said, 'That's enough for now! You may leave. When I find it convenient, I will send for you.'"This must have been a difficult time for someone accustomed to being so actively involved in ministry. Paul was treated well in this prison, but after receiving specific instructions to minister in Rome, two years must have felt like a painfully long time.We're never told of God's reason for this waiting period. Many times, waiting is necessary to allow other events to occur and other people to be properly positioned; and many times, waiting is necessary because we need to better learn some of God's truths...or simply need a good rest.Paul was about to face his most challenging journey and possibly his most significant ministry opportunity; "Take courage! As you have testified about Me in Jerusalem, so you must also testify in Rome" (Acts 23:11). On his journey, Paul faced a severe storm, shipwreck, snakebite, and many threats on his life; but Paul was also given the opportunity to minister to the leaders of the Roman Empire.Much of our own journey involves patience and learning how to trust and wait on God. Almost nothing seems to occur as fast as we would like: difficult situations take longer to resolve, people take longer to mature, and ministries take longer to grow. But our present circumstances always serve a purpose!If we've earnestly sought God and not received specific direction, it's possible we're simply being told to wait - wait and be refreshed; wait and spend time abiding in His presence; wait...and prepare. Let's continue to rejoice and learn to trust Him even more during our times of waiting. Have a Great Day!
Steve Troxel
God's Daily Word Ministries
Times of Waiting
As Paul was returning to Jerusalem at the end of his third missionary journey, he already had a sense of where his next journey would lead; "after I have been there, I must visit Rome" (Acts 19:21). But he also knew he was about to face many difficulties; "in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me" (Acts 20:23). Paul was arrested less than ten days after arriving in Jerusalem. He probably didn't realize it at the time, but his journey to Rome had just begun.Paul's journey to Rome would last about two and a half years and include many legal and physical trials - and many opportunities to demonstrate his faith in Jesus Christ. Surprisingly, it also included two long years where Paul had nothing to do but sit in prison and wait for an occasional visit with the Governor before being transferred to the courts of Rome.Acts 24:25"As Paul discoursed on righteousness, self-control and the judgment to come, Felix was afraid and said, 'That's enough for now! You may leave. When I find it convenient, I will send for you.'"This must have been a difficult time for someone accustomed to being so actively involved in ministry. Paul was treated well in this prison, but after receiving specific instructions to minister in Rome, two years must have felt like a painfully long time.We're never told of God's reason for this waiting period. Many times, waiting is necessary to allow other events to occur and other people to be properly positioned; and many times, waiting is necessary because we need to better learn some of God's truths...or simply need a good rest.Paul was about to face his most challenging journey and possibly his most significant ministry opportunity; "Take courage! As you have testified about Me in Jerusalem, so you must also testify in Rome" (Acts 23:11). On his journey, Paul faced a severe storm, shipwreck, snakebite, and many threats on his life; but Paul was also given the opportunity to minister to the leaders of the Roman Empire.Much of our own journey involves patience and learning how to trust and wait on God. Almost nothing seems to occur as fast as we would like: difficult situations take longer to resolve, people take longer to mature, and ministries take longer to grow. But our present circumstances always serve a purpose!If we've earnestly sought God and not received specific direction, it's possible we're simply being told to wait - wait and be refreshed; wait and spend time abiding in His presence; wait...and prepare. Let's continue to rejoice and learn to trust Him even more during our times of waiting. Have a Great Day!
Steve Troxel
God's Daily Word Ministries
Monday, April 2, 2007
I'm not making any promises anymore...
Last night, I posted that I would post pictures of Bella's room tonight. Well, the good news is it isn't Tuesday, but the bad news is that I reinjured my pinkie last night. After I posted, I took my brace off to put clean sheets on my bed and bent my hurt finger back. I know what you are saying:"Why was my brace off?" Well, for those of you that have never worn one of these braces, you CANNOT do anything with it on! I am right handed and, if, given the opportunity to remove the cumbersome thing, I am not disciplined enough to keep it on. So, I go to the doctor again today and found out that I brought the ligament tear up from a stage 2 to a stage 3. All of this to say--no pics of her room tonight. Besides, I am waiting for my husband to hang the letters that my incredibly artistic friend, Gina, painted for her wall. I will not promise to post pics, but I will say that one day you will check and have a surprise. Look at it this way, it gives you something to look forward to! LOL
PGN is off this week and we need to pray that this Easter season will soften Sr. Barrios' heart and he will come back ready to sign us all out!! God is big enough to do that. So, please pray for favor, not just for Bella's file, but also for all of my other blogging buddies' precious babies. We all want them home for the summer.
Tomorrow is Tuesday and I am confident that it will be my best day of the week!!! (no I will not be in a bubble of some sort) Have a great night!
PGN is off this week and we need to pray that this Easter season will soften Sr. Barrios' heart and he will come back ready to sign us all out!! God is big enough to do that. So, please pray for favor, not just for Bella's file, but also for all of my other blogging buddies' precious babies. We all want them home for the summer.
Tomorrow is Tuesday and I am confident that it will be my best day of the week!!! (no I will not be in a bubble of some sort) Have a great night!
Sunday, April 1, 2007
I Have Had a Breakthrough!
First of all, I want to thank my secret blog pal for the nice surprises I found in my mailbox yesterday. She sent me the cutest outfit for Bella, the softest purple onesie and a picture frame for me to put my precious Bella's pic in. I am bringing it to school to put on my desk! Thanks so much SBP--I love my goodies! I have posted pics at the end of this post of all of it.
We broke down and bought Jake a new puppy Saturday. You can also see the pic of him and Sam below. He is a 9 week old miniature schnauzer. He is the sweetest puppy. Of course, none could ever replace our Ali--he is a close second! I was going to wait until they both had their birthday in Sept. before we bought a new one, but Jake was having a very difficult time missing her. We went out to eat with my family Friday night after his game and he started talking about her. He got so sad, he couldn't finish eating. So, after his game Sat. morning, we were out looking for a new puppy. I figured I needed to get a new one house broken and used to our house, before Bella comes home. (which we are still believing God to be in May.)
Now for my breakthrough... I was praying hard this week and feeling down because I realized Mr. PGN was probably going to be out until next week and that meant nothing was being done to get Bella home. I really need her home by the end of May so that I can have all summer with her. Teachers have to report to school Aug.7. I was really getting depressed when I got the calendar out and began doing all the possible what-if scenarios. Then almost audibly, I felt--"Quit limiting me and put your calendar away. I am not limited by earthly time lines. I have an appointed time for bringing Bella home and no man, no holiday, or nothing else can stop it from happening." Wow-- He had my attention. I went on to realize that the same God that created everything in 6 days, that has provided EVERY bit of money needed for this adoption, that keeps the planets from spinning out of control,etc., is the same God I have been limiting because of time lines in PGN. Barrios did not do much this week, except sign a few out and kick a lot out. But I realized that when God wants us out, Barrios cannot do anything but sign us out! This sounds so elementary, but this time I got it in my heart and spirit and not in just my head and mouth. I have been saying that for months, but this week I finally BELIEVE it and KNOW it to be true! I have received a revelation that Satan canNOT take from me!!!!! So, there--that is my breakthrough. It may not seem like much to any of you, but God dropped it in my spirit and I feel a peace like I haven't felt this whole journey and it feels good! Thank you to all of you that have been praying for us. Please continue to pray for favor that we will be out by the end of April and picking up by May. I really feel that she will be home by the last 2 weeks in May. I may be off, but that is just what I feel whenever I pray. We will see--God is faithful.
I know I have been promising to post pics of her room and haven't. I will take them tomorrow and post tomorrow night. I promise.
I want to leave all of you Guatemamas that are waiting for your babies to come home with this verse. It spoke to me and I hope it speaks to some of you..
"The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; Your love,O Lord, endures forever- do not abandon the works of Your hands." Psalm 138:8 This tells me that He will fulfill the purpose He set forth to bring Bella (and your baby) into our (and yours) family because He loves each of us. He cannot and will not abandon us, because our adoptions are the works of His hands. What He starts, He always finishes. Be at peace this week and know that He is working every piece of your puzzle out to become a beautiful picture of His love for your family. Our children ARE coming home SOON! I love all of you--have a fantastic week! ;-)
We broke down and bought Jake a new puppy Saturday. You can also see the pic of him and Sam below. He is a 9 week old miniature schnauzer. He is the sweetest puppy. Of course, none could ever replace our Ali--he is a close second! I was going to wait until they both had their birthday in Sept. before we bought a new one, but Jake was having a very difficult time missing her. We went out to eat with my family Friday night after his game and he started talking about her. He got so sad, he couldn't finish eating. So, after his game Sat. morning, we were out looking for a new puppy. I figured I needed to get a new one house broken and used to our house, before Bella comes home. (which we are still believing God to be in May.)
Now for my breakthrough... I was praying hard this week and feeling down because I realized Mr. PGN was probably going to be out until next week and that meant nothing was being done to get Bella home. I really need her home by the end of May so that I can have all summer with her. Teachers have to report to school Aug.7. I was really getting depressed when I got the calendar out and began doing all the possible what-if scenarios. Then almost audibly, I felt--"Quit limiting me and put your calendar away. I am not limited by earthly time lines. I have an appointed time for bringing Bella home and no man, no holiday, or nothing else can stop it from happening." Wow-- He had my attention. I went on to realize that the same God that created everything in 6 days, that has provided EVERY bit of money needed for this adoption, that keeps the planets from spinning out of control,etc., is the same God I have been limiting because of time lines in PGN. Barrios did not do much this week, except sign a few out and kick a lot out. But I realized that when God wants us out, Barrios cannot do anything but sign us out! This sounds so elementary, but this time I got it in my heart and spirit and not in just my head and mouth. I have been saying that for months, but this week I finally BELIEVE it and KNOW it to be true! I have received a revelation that Satan canNOT take from me!!!!! So, there--that is my breakthrough. It may not seem like much to any of you, but God dropped it in my spirit and I feel a peace like I haven't felt this whole journey and it feels good! Thank you to all of you that have been praying for us. Please continue to pray for favor that we will be out by the end of April and picking up by May. I really feel that she will be home by the last 2 weeks in May. I may be off, but that is just what I feel whenever I pray. We will see--God is faithful.
I know I have been promising to post pics of her room and haven't. I will take them tomorrow and post tomorrow night. I promise.
I want to leave all of you Guatemamas that are waiting for your babies to come home with this verse. It spoke to me and I hope it speaks to some of you..
"The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; Your love,O Lord, endures forever- do not abandon the works of Your hands." Psalm 138:8 This tells me that He will fulfill the purpose He set forth to bring Bella (and your baby) into our (and yours) family because He loves each of us. He cannot and will not abandon us, because our adoptions are the works of His hands. What He starts, He always finishes. Be at peace this week and know that He is working every piece of your puzzle out to become a beautiful picture of His love for your family. Our children ARE coming home SOON! I love all of you--have a fantastic week! ;-)
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